Where We Go From Here
by tazymay
Summary: The war has ended and Dearka & Miriallia are finding that returning to day to day life is not as easy as they thought. DxM MxD with possible hints of KxL and AxC
1. Prologue Chapter 1: I Don't Belong

_I don't belong_

_I can remember standing there, the war was over. Everyone was cheering and celebrating. That's when I saw it for the first time. It was small and hardly noticeable but it was still there. It was the first smile I had ever seen from Miriallia. Even though it wasn't directed at me, I felt completely fulfilled. I knew that my job on the Archangel was done._

_I took one last look at the girl who had changed my life, my beliefs. The smell of her berry shampoo flooded my senses, her hair was perfect, and her eyes drove me crazy. But I knew she was not mine nor could she ever be._

_I walked to the door turning slightly to see everyone celebrating and the turned my back on them forever. I wasn't one of them, and they weren't one of my people. I didn't know where I was going, how I was going to get there or why I truly was leaving all I really knew was it was time._

_As I walked past the sickbay my mind was filled with memories of her, unpleasant memories but still memories. I began to wonder if I would ever forget her. That's when I realised I…I was falling in love with her._

_Even so I knew then more then ever that I had to leave, Coordinators and Naturals weren't meant to be together._

_Finally I made it there; I stood looking up at it… The BUSTER. It was not only my partner in crime but it also allowed me to protect those most important to me. I enter the cockpit for what I hoped would be the last time. Firing up the thrusters I headed out. I came here…I came home………_

"That is all for today Mr. Elsman" said the mysterious man. "Now have you still been having nightmares about your days in the war?"

"They are subsiding, however still happen often"

"I believe I know what the root of all of these problems you've been have are, next session I think we should talk more about this young lady"

"Yes"


	2. Prologue Chapter 2: Alone

_Alone_

_The crashes and flashes had finally ended. It was then that I realised the war had finally come to an end. So many people had lost their lives…and for what? To prove one race was better then the other. In the end it did matter, Coordinators died, Naturals died…in the end they are all the same; lifeless corpses that once had people who loved them, people they loved._

_I remember he was standing next to me when the war ended. He was once a proud ZAFT solider whose only goal in the war seemed to be to kill as many Naturals as he could. Here he was standing with me and the end of the war and the beginning of what we all hope would be the days of peace._

_I smiled to myself. I smiled because a small part of me believed that he was there for me. That he cared enough about me to cast away all his beliefs, what he was raised to think. But I must have been crazy to think that because among all the crazy celebration he managed to leave my life._

_I wanted to hold him, to him hold me. I never felt like I needed someone more but as I turned to leap into his arms I saw that he was no longer standing there. I was alone._

_I lost the one I loved, Tolle and now someone I was growing to care for had left me sitting there wondering why. Why did I feel so alone without him and so fulfilled with him standing next to me? How could that feeling be overwhelming me so much? Was it…love? A Natural falling for a Coordinator is unheard of so how could it be that this happened to me._

_Tolle was my everything and then somehow when he….when he left someone else without me knowing it became everything. He filled the hole in my heart and then ripped it bigger that day… I felt so alone._

"That's very good Miss Haww, it is very good that you are becoming more and more open with our sessions" explained the tall sophisticated looking woman "I think we are starting to get closer to the root of your problems. Next week I think we should talk more about this ZAFT boy"

"Right…"


	3. Sec1: Chapter 1: A New Life Of Peace

_A New Life Of Peace_

Six months four day and three hours had passed since the war had ended. Many things had changed for those who brought the war to its end.

Lacus Clyne was now known as the leader of the revolution in war. She a brought together those who wanted to end the war for both Naturals and Coordinators. She decided to move out of the publics eyes to a small island with the new love of her life Kira Yamato.

Kira although traumatised from the events of the war was living a happy life with Lacus. He was helping to take care of war orphans. It was somewhat therapeutic for him to help those he felt he hurt.

His sister Cagalli Yula Attha had become the new leader of Orb in her fathers place. It was hard work but with her newest body guard by her side she knew she could do anything. The first step she took was repairing the damage cause during the siege of Orb.

When the war ended ashamed of what his father had done Athrun Zala decided not to return to the PLANTs however to make a new life with a new name in orb. He became Alex Dino the mysterious new body guard of Representative Attha. He was also the secret lover of set representative.

Captain Murrue Ramius along with Andrew Waltfelt joined Morganrate to help in the reconstruction of Orb. Being soldiers was the only thing they ever knew but this time they were going to put their abilities to the use of good.

Sai Argyle had had enough with everything to do with war. He needed to get away from it all. He and his family decided to move to Switzerland, the most peaceful place one earth for centuries.

Yzak Joule replaced his mother on the PLANT Supreme Council, and also became the captain of his own ship the Voltaire. He was highly respected by all and was hard at work to repair the relationships between Orb and the PLANTs.

As for Dearka Elsman and Miriallia Haww they were left with voids in there hearts. When the war was over Dearka stole the BUSTER from the Archangel and head back to the PLANTs. He was immediately arrested upon arrival and taken to a high security prison where he remained until the preliminary peace negotiations were over. Miriallia went home to Orb only to be surrounded by things that reminded he of Tolle and the life she once had.

Memories of life before, during and after the war plagued their minds. They broken and didn't know why. There were people out there who had worst days in the world, those who had fallen further from grace and yet it was them among all those who crossed the path of the Archangel who seemed to have take life after to be the hardest.

Why they didn't know. Soon this feeling of emptiness made day to day life impossible and so they decided to seek help. It was 2 months after the end of the war that they decided to see Shrinks.


	4. Sec1: Chapter 2: Talks of her

_Talks of Her_

"Alright Mr. Elsman tell me about this young lady…this Miriallia. Who is she truly to you?"

"Well….

_He had just died; he was the youngest of us all. Nicol was only fifteen years old. It was so wrong that someone of his age was even allowed to be involved in such a thing as war. I wanted nothing more then revenge. I hate the Naturals even more for what happened to him. I was ready; to live or to die it didn't matter anymore. I needed to avenge him even if it meant to join him._

_The next few days were spent preparing for the battle of a life time. We were going to get them, those bastards on the Archangel who took his life. The day the battle started we said our goodbyes. We had come to terms with what could happen in that battle. I was prepared for anything._

_The battle started so quick. Our forces barely out numbered them but we had sheer determination on our side. Not even 10 minutes into the battle the DUEL went down and was called back to the ship. That left only Athrun and myself…"_

"Yes we've been over this before, now where Mr. Elsman does this young lady come?"

"You see…

_We were winning the two of us were seeming to be enough to defeat them. It was then a second Skygrasper flew from the ship and headed towards Athrun who was fighting against the STRIKE, the very person who killed Nicol. I tried to shoot the second Skygrasper down however the first got to me before I had the chance._

_Most people in that situation would have been scared, but I kept a level head. When the Archangel was about to shoot me down I surrendered. Being a highly trained covert specialist, I quick hatched a plan to get myself in to take the ship down from the inside._

_I didn't know then who I would met when I got on the ship or how much she would change me. As I walk injured onto the ship I heard a huge explosion. To me it meant only one thing Athrun had succeeded in taking down the STRIKE and had possibly died himself._

_I was alone from this point on as I walked onto the ship with guns pointed in my back. I knew that Nicol's killer was dead but it wasn't enough I needed more to suffer. I was taken to a room where my ZAFT flight suit was exchanged for prisoner's clothing. I was taken down the hallway after that and that's when I saw her for the first time…"_

Dearka paused. His mind was flooded with memories of Miriallia. The first time he saw her she took his breath away. Her eyes were memorizing. He was losing all train of thought. Her smile, her walk, her everything even her anger it was all things he craved all of a sudden.

"_She was…just standing there with her friend when I first saw her. She was beautiful… and yet she was nothing more then a Natural. I didn't know they could be so gorgeous and so innocent at the same time. She was the enemy and that was all that was all there ever could be…_"

"And yet she was more wasn't she"

"I didn't know…

_She was what she was. The CIC of the Archangel. Nothing more nothing less I thought. But as time went on as I lied in my prison cell on the ship I slowly started wishing more and more to see her, just to know that she was alright. Whenever she was mad at me I felt like she would be okay. When I finally was released I found myself running back to her. She hated me, I was confused about her but the one thing I knew was I never wanted to leave her side. And that is where I was the moment the war ended…by side."_

"Dearka, you have been seeing me for help with your feelings and anxiety after the war. You've told me story after story but never have you mentioned this young lady until our last session. Now hearing what you said it sounds like your leaving things out. She was what fuelled you at the end of the war correct."

"Yeah…you…could maybe say that"

"Dearka I think what you need to do is find this girl."

"…that's it that's all I have to do?"

"It's up to you to figure that out. If you heart and mind is finally put to rest when you see her then yes that is all you have to do but if not…well then you are going to have a long journey trying to figure out what to do next. Go a find her"

With a nod of his head Dearka agreed with the doctor and left the room. He knew it would not be easy. Miriallia hated him as far as he was concerned. He may not have been the one to take her boyfriends life but he was there that day. He knew in his heart he couldn't go see her again. He never moved on from the feelings that he began to feel for her but still as much as he wanted to see her he knew that seeing her would hurt her. I cared too much to do that to her so instead he decided that if he could beat his feelings of anxiety towards the military he would join them. That afternoon Dearka filled out papers to become a solider once again.


	5. Sec1: Chapter 3: The Zaft Boy

_The Zaft Boy_

"_He was the enemy. I thought he had take the life of the man I loved but in the end it turned out it was another solider. He said something he shouldn't have and in my grief I did something I shouldn't have. I tried to take his life and then when some tried to do the same to him I saved him. I can remember crying, every time I had see him I cried. I didn't want to be a killer and yet I almost was. Some crew members came then and took the ZAFT solider away. I was sent to my room for some reflection on what I had just done._

_I just laid there for the longest time the events playing threw my head like a broken record, over and over again until I started to wonder if he was ok. When he was taken away there was blood run quickly down his face. I needed to know he was ok. I left my room and headed for the brig, it was where he was being kept. I slowly walked down the hall and peered around the corner. That is when I saw him. I didn't notice how young he was, or how small he was. He had to be about my age, he was the same build as my friend Kira only a bit taller. He must have been as lost as the rest of us._

_He noticed me and I can remember him yelling out for me to stop. There was silence and that is when I finally got a good look at him. He had the most innocent amethyst eyes. His hair was so unruly and…kind of dangerous yet…at the same time cute looking. He was one of the most handsome guys I had ever seen……."_

"Did you speak to him or just stare?"

"_I didn't know what to say so he began talking. It was then that I found out that he did not kill Tolle. He sounded so relieved and yet so defeated at the same time. Apparently being trapped in a cell wasn't something he wanted. I kept coming back to see him time and time again. Every time I would get angrier and angrier until finally one day I was going down to realise him. Orb would soon be under attack, we had all left the military because we had seen its true face, and so we had no point in keeping him anymore. I asked to be the one to free him. I didn't know why I wanted it to be me, I just did. I let him out of his cell briefly explained the situation and told him to leave, I wanted him to leave he would be in danger if he stayed and yet at the same time a small part of me wanted him to stay. I needed him gone. I needed to know that he wouldn't be there anymore. But as I thought about it more and more I realised that I would be alone without him. As we entered level one battle satiation I hoped with all my heart the he had gotten far enough away. _

_The archangel began to get into some trouble, we didn't have enough protection. But the captain was trying her hardest to give orders to get us out of the situation. But it was too late a mass of Skygraspers were coming our way. We couldn't evade. We were so scared then out of no where there was a flash of light…it was him, the busters pilot. He saved us and then said that he would protect us. We didn't know what to believe but the captain knew that her only choice was to trust him. And she was right to. He stuck with us until the end of the war and then in a flash he was gone from my life._"

"So then Miriallia you trusted, he protected you and you unknowingly let him fill that hole in you heart that was left when Tolle was killed. Meaning that when this Zaft boy left he ripped and even bigger hole that what was there to begin with."

"I…well…umm…"

"Miss Haww you don't have to make excuses. The love you have for him in my professional opinion is just respect. He was the enemy and yet he was able to see past the discriminations of coordinator vs natural in order to protect the Archangel. I believe all you need is to thank him for what he has done for you. You done have to hurry with it. Someday you paths my cross, then tell him how much it meant to you that he did such a selfless thing."

"A-are you sure that that is all it is. I mean it is nothing more"

"No you just respect him that is all"

"T-thank you! I-I think that I'll try and get along with my life now thank you for all you help!" With a bow and a huge Miriallia was out the door feeling more fulfilled then she had been in a while leaving the shrink alone.

"You Miss Haww, are pathetic. How could you even think to taint our pure blue world with thoughts of love toward a coordinator, you disgust me. This is for your own good child."

Miriallia decided that life was filled with beautiful things and she didn't want to lose them and she decided to become a photographer and take photos of all the things in life that she never wanted to forget, secretly she wanted the chance to take a picture of a certain blonde hair coordinator whose name and body had left her.


End file.
